A Lot Tougher, A Lot More Relaxed

Looking back on my years before children, I have to have a good chuckle at myself.  I was pretty darned serious.  I mean - seriously serious.  Every thing in life seemed to need uninhibited attention to detail.  Our house was cleaned every weekend.   I put 200%  into everything I did at work and had little patience for errors (sorry ladies).  Finances in order, check, yard tidied, check, groceries in cupboard, check, all nooks and crannies organized, check.  Okay, NOW we can go out and play.  BORING! 

Carry that into children.  I remember when Samuel had his first Hep B shot and he was only 5 days old.  As the nurse slid that needle into his little chubby thigh, I cried and cried and felt my chest swell with guilt that we are the cause of these little cries of pain.  Four years later, four kids later, one too many sets of immunizations later I took Samuel in for his kindergarten shots and I found myself saying "You'll be alright buddy.  Just think, these hurt a lot less than the actual diseases!"  WOW - did that come out of my mouth?  I should have more sympathy.  Especially for the girls.  And I think - hey sweethearts, I had at least 70 shots and 12 miserable trips to Sioux Falls to bring you into this world, we're not even yet.  I'm teasing!

I remember when Samuel first joined us.  If I had a day where he cried all afternoon, had a bit of vomit and a tantrum or two...my god...it was a HORRIBLE day.  I pondered this recently as Peter called on his way home from work and asked, "How was it today?"  My response was, "Eh, just another day."  As I then truly examined the day, I realized that I woke up to two poopy diaper blow-outs.  The up the back, over the shoulder kind.  Immediately after breakfast Ethan looked at me with the glazed eyes, I swallowed a frog cheeks and proceeded to projectile vomit curdled milk all over my living room carpet.  Samuel had a wicked tantrum because I wouldn't let him play play-doh after just vacuuming for the 50th time that week.  And all day I listened to, "Mommy, can we PUHLEASEE play play-doh?"  Ethan and Samuel had had a huge breakdown fight over who was the privileged party to put the DVD in the player.  A regular occurrence at our house.  And on and on.  And really, it was just another day in a house full of children learning their manners and coordinating play.

I've lightened up quite a bit over the years it appears.  Who cares about deadlines when all we are really worried about are whether or not the next ten minutes are rocking fun?  Consider the things I've actually had a good laugh about (often after I was down having a tantrum of my own). 

• You really can fit an entire roll of toilet paper into the toilet and it expands to astronomical proportions.  Add to that, bathrooms really do flood into the hallway after 5 or so flushes when clogged. 
• Farts and burps are truly the most hysterical things in the entire universe.  The louder the better.  But of course, one must say "excuse me."
• Who really, really cares if the fitted sheets are folded correctly or the wash cloths aren't in perfect little squares?  Samuel gets a nickel for every wash cloth he folds, and we put it away just the way he folds it because he's learning.  And it is sure fun to have help.
• Sleeping through the night experts forget that your sweet little babies teeth, have fevers, get growth spurts, require shots, and never sleep after a trip anywhere.
• Who needs the silverware in the proper place?  Spoons fit nicely in the fork slot.
• Linen closets are the best places in the world to hide.  Especially if you unload EVERY thing from the closet into the hallway first.
• Bubbles are great fun smeared on the mirror and across the island.
• Plant dirt is perfect for playing construction.
• There are even days when....wait for it...wait for it....my bed doesn't get made!

And of course the most important lesson is that bad things happen when you leave the room for five minutes and if it is quiet, you are about to be in over your head.

So dear 20-year old Sabrina - lighten up.  Dear 25-year old Sabrina - go travel some more and oh yeah, lighten up!  Dear 30-year old Sabrina - looking better - only 2.5 more years and your give a damn will be pretty much busted.  But you'll have a lot more fun.  Oh and psst...the chocolate is hidden above the pantry behind the apple juice.

How it Goes

It is a new week and we survived Peter's absence to Connecticut.  Ethan and Samuel both had head colds that cleared in a normal pattern with coughing, sneezing, and being miserable and ornery little buggers for the allotted three days.  The girls progressed in a much more aggressive fashion with all the same symptoms, but crying and crying for days and being up all night.  Nina's illness resulted in an ear infection in her right ear.  Noting she was in pain, I tried to give her oral Tylenol on two occasions, but her extra sensitive gag-reflex left her lunch on my lap.  Lovely 'eh?  Those are green peas mixed with formula and stomach bile gracing my front.  We're on day three of antibiotics now.  God bless hot pink amoxicillin.


Ode to Aunt Lisa who stopped in and supplied us with chocolate and laughter for the boys.  Hooray for grandma, my mom, who arrived after Lisa left and held and snuggled sobbing babies.  Couldn't have done it without two of my favorite ladies.  Thanks Lisa and Mom!

A Little Foolish

If one fails to learn from something over and over, we call them unteachable. If one does the same thing and they get the same result, and they continue down this path, it is lunacy. We call them stupid, we call them crazy. I'm beginning to think I fit that description when it comes to waving Peter out the door for this trip or that trip. Knowing what I know, I'm definitely cracked.

So I was feeling bad for Peter around the end of December because he was way over-babied. In his defense it does take the patience of a saint to wake up to babies, go to sleep with babies and do everything baby and toddler between. Particularly for a man who loves kids, but struggles with anything prior to about 18 months. With Samuel and Ethan he changed diapers, gave baths, fed them solids and held them often. But if a wail ensued, I found the baby back in my arms. With the girls, he didn't really have a choice and for the first 4 months of their lives he took the first shift and was left alone to deal with all their needs from 8 pm to about 1 am every day. I was seeing the stress around his eyes and in his response to situations. Feeling generous, I offered that for his 36th birthday, I'd send him on a trip. The rationale behind this generosity was that the girls would be around 6 months old, they'd be eating some solids, they should mostly be sleeping through the night. We'd be a-okay!

But I forgot that I'm cursed. It is inevitable that when Peter goes anywhere, the children get sick. Take these examples.

1. In November of 2007, when Samuel was 8 months old, Peter had a business trip and Samuel ended up with 9 days of vomiting and diarrhea due to rotovirus. Ssomething they vaccinate against now.
2. In April of 2009 when Ethan was 11 months old, Peter's closest childhood friend's father passed away, so Peter traveled back to Connecticut for the funeral. I said, "Go, go. Ethan is just teething...that is why he is running a fever. We'll be fine!" Ha! Two days later, during a South Dakota spring blizzard I was sitting in a hospital. 2 year old Samuel was jumping on the bed and Ethan was completely dehydrated, lethargic and on an IV with wicked antibiotics for bacteremia (a blood poisoning) and once hydrated again developed viral pneumonia.
3. Later when Peter joined the fire department and had to travel to training in Cody WY for fire school, we had a second round of rotovirus in our lives. I was sicker than sick, Samuel's body expulsions lasted about 4 days, and Ethan sat around grinning at all of us, because he had been vaccinated for this evil bug.

And the list goes on and on. Whether it is a quick two day trip or a week long adventure, we end up with anything from minor head colds to hospitalizations. I don't tempt fate before he leaves and make the children lick shopping carts at the local Wal-mart or dip them in the swimming pool and say "drink up!" So why does this happen to me?

To complicate matters, lately the rule has been not only do the children get sick, but What can go wrong will go wrong if Peter is out of town. Take his last business trip in January to New Orleans. Not only did all the children develop a nasty illness, but the van stopped working because a non-ignition switch seat heater drained the battery, the temperatures dropped to 19 below, and the pellet stove malfunctioned filling the house with smoke. The second, or maybe third night (who remembers in my delirium), Nina was up all night sobbing. My mother happened to be here to help on that trip and she stayed up for the 3 am to 6 am shift. The next night, Jocelyn did the same. Thank goodness, by then Peter was home and let me go to bed. Somewhere in the middle of Peter's sojourn I was either outside moving car seats from vehicle to vehicle, charging a battery, or dismantling much of the pellet stove and carrying out buckets of smoldering pellets. It was delightful. But the man came home and this prairie woman had it all together and in working order with rosy-cheeked children.

Why the ranting and raving now? Peter is on that 36th birthday trip for 6 days to Connecticut. We're at the beginning of day 3 and guess what? All four children and mom are coughing and hacking, sneezing with dripping noses, sleep deprived and running fevers. I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. Remembering why Peter shouldn't go anywhere. Noting that I am indeed a lunatic.

From the Triassic Period Straight to Space and the Circus

Peter and I thought that the way Andy plays with his pals on the Toy Story series is a little far-fetched. Imagination can be ingenious and absolutely clever on occasion, but really? In a child that young? Andy's playtime travels light years beyond just good versus evil. You see Woody and Buzz teaming up to fight off Evil Mr. Porkchop and conspirators, those toys throw up mean force fields that would make any Star Trek fan proud, and there are an endless spree of bank robberies where Woody and Buzz save the day. It's not just man to man either. T-Rex gets involved beside Bo-Peep and sidekick Slinky. And the issues are complex where teamwork and camaraderie are required, feelings are explored and life lessons are examined. We had to ask, do children really mix their toys this way and explore these mature ideas? The answer is surprisingly, yes, they really do.

From the Triassic through space, our kids' dinosaurs travel millions of years to join space shuttles and good astronauts to fight off nasty aliens and examine their brains. Samuel even insists that while everyone else's brains are interesting, alien brains are quite gross. Mars is the coolest place to travel because Mickey Mouse has gone there in the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and lots of bats live there. Saturn is a close second because it has rings around it. Those rings must be a wild ride or one gigantic slide right? And it just makes sense doesn't it? Of course a space shuttle totes around 5 ton dinosaurs.

Samuel and Ethan regularly tell me stories about their toys that leave me a mass of juvenile giggles. One of the hardest parts of being a mom is not breaking into laughter when they tell you very seriously and very emphatically about the ways of the world. Take for example my biology lesson some weeks back. While the kids were playing with Mr. Potato Head, Samuel explains, "Mommy, Mr. Potato head is a carnivore. See, arms and legs and eyes come out of his butt." Not only does he understand the concept of carnivore, herbivore and omnivore, but he gets the gastrointestinal system too, well sorta. Probably a bit uncomfortable for an entire leg to exit, so he's a little fuzzy on the digestion part. During this same playtime Ethan brings me his spud and asks me, "Mommy, will you put his butt on? He needs it to be closed like mine. See?" Then he proceeds to give me a turn around to demonstrate that his rear-end is indeed closed.

Just today our Triceratops and Spinosaurus made bad choices by ganging up and attacking T-Rex together. Such behavior was not only unfavorable, it was downright mean and Scary Moose (Sam's imaginary friend - we're still trying to figure that out!) put them in time-out to chill out and rest on the circus truck. If they could behave, Scary Moose would permit them to venture to the circus with Thomas, Lightning McQueen and Giganotosaurus. Triceratops and Spinosaurus cleaned up their act and were allowed to join in the fun. It was discovered that the circus truck wasn't quite large enough to haul all the pals, so since there were so many friends attending the circus, they needed a ride in the rocket ship (the laundry basket). All the travelers had to promise not to eat each other and if they were good, they would get popcorn at the circus.

The picture above shows how although everyone made a promise, it appears that T-Rex and Giganotosaurus couldn't adhere to that promise as you see them hovering in what appears to be attack stance over Brachiosaurus. Poor herbivore. Then in comes Ankylosaurus (what Sam calls temper tantrum saurus because he swings his club) and breaks up all the fun at the circus. T-Rex, Giganotosaurus and Ankylosaurus were later disciplined for ignoring the directions, picking on others, and making messes.

There is a lesson here and I'm still analyzing what it means. Should I be proud that when I say something 7000 times it is sinking in and they are playing it out through their friends? Or should I sit back and say, wow, I'm kind of a tough ol' mommy!

I've learned so many things. These toys aren't just friends to each other and Samuel. They are the best of friends, and truly, no man will be left behind. Don't you know that Party Mickey Mouse gets very lonely when left in the car? His favorite place to ride is between Thomas and Clarabel. Thomas doesn't like to sleep under the covers. His steam makes it too hot. As big as T-Rex is, he is terribly sad when he isn't playing with his pals because he is scared to be alone. Scary Moose needs his mom and dad to hold his hand to cross the street. Ethan's favorite Allosaurus is a twin, we literally have two, and they must both go to bed with him at night. And Tokyo Lightning feels best when he gets a bath every other night. Samuel and Ethan always take care of these pals whether they came from the Triassic period or they picked them up off the moon during their adventures. Just like real pals should. Thanks for the lesson kids - we'll all keep looking out for each other. Loyal, kind and loving.

Jocelyn Has a Spot, Nina Does Not

It is becoming apparent to the world at large that our baby girls are identical, and we are regularly asked how we tell them apart. Nina and Jocelyn are starting to look more and more alike as we cross off days on the calendar. Jocelyn is finally filling out with some baby fat, her legs finally have rolls and she's getting round in the face. Nina is on the move (backwards for now, but progress is progress!), so she's thinning down as she shakes that body. In some ways, they are meeting in the middle size wise.

Mommy and daddy can always differentiate between the two. We can even guess by weight in the dark which baby is which and listen to their different cries. There are a few others that have it down pat such as my parents and Peter's mother; however, most cannot tell the difference without being told. Not even their big brothers.

Samuel determines which baby is deserving of his attention day to day based on their moods and their attire. He loves holding the babies, and asks EVERY five minutes to do so. I'll say, "Which baby do you want to hold?" Samuel doesn't indicate the baby by name, but he'll answer with either what I call Man in Training responses or the Make Mama Proud responses. Man in Training responses include "I want to hold the baby that isn't crying," or "I'll hold the baby that won't spit up on me." Make Mama Proud responses include things like, "I'll hold the baby with the cute yellow pants." He's even taken to charming his sisters with, "My don't you look pretty today!" or "Hi sweet cheeks!" when he's in Make Mama Proud mode. All this affection is sugary sweet to witness, but ask him to play name the baby and he can't tell the little gals apart. Ethan is much the same in his regard for his sisters with less nomenclature and a lot more sloppy kisses. The solution? I've made up a catchy saying to help the boys tell the twins apart. "Jocelyn has a spot, Nina does not." Classy huh? But it works.

This adorable spot is actually a birth mark on the right side of Jocelyn's head called a hemangioma. Say that ten times. Eventually this stork bite will fade first to a gray, spongy brain looking matter, yum, and eventually all but disappear. And okay, it isn't really adorable if you consider the fifty or so people who have claimed that at least it will be under her hair if it doesn't go away. Or the fact that small children often ask us why we don't have a band-aid on her boo-boo, since it does resemble a bloody scab down the side of her noggin. Ugly or adorable, for now, it helps family and friends identify her.

Other ways to tell the girls apart are just their physical size. Now I know it's not nice to talk about a girl's waistline, but Nina's our champ. She was nearly 2 pounds bigger than Jocelyn before they started evening out. She fared better in the womb. She was our little nutrition thief. Jocelyn is on a race to catch up though....and if you don't believe me...this is where their personality differences come in. Drama, drama, llama. Jocelyn is definitely our girly-girl and you should hear her squeal if the bottle runs out. That's right, squeal.

They are so different in just about every facet of their busy 6-month old lives. They eat, sleep, chatter, cry and laugh different. Take eating for example. When it's time to eat, Nina gets down to business and gets the job done. She likes everything. Whether it's cereal, green beans or exotic mango, the mouth opens, the food goes in and she smiles. Jocelyn on the other hand delicately sucks on the nipple, daintily swallows and eats slower than a 350 pound giant tortoise walks. And she acts like every solid food will kill her if she swallows it. The faces are painful.

Nina isn't tentative about anything. If she wants it, she'll fight and struggle to wiggle her body to find a way. Jocelyn looks at things and basically says, "why bother?" or totally freaks out.

Jocelyn is cutting teeth first, and rolled over first. Nina is moving backwards first. Jocelyn whoops and screams while Nina mostly chatters. Jocelyn has a hysterical cry and Nina just sounds so sad when she cries. Nina's huge smile opens really wide up and down and Jocelyn is exactly the opposite with a big ol' horizontal smile. You've gotta see it.

Who would have thought that from the time they were this young these lyrics would be so true:

"Friends, pals, partners, chums,

But we're marching to different drums

We look a lot alike

But we are not alike

Two...two...totally...totally...utterly...utterly

Opposite...opposite, totally...totally, different...different

Identical twins!"