Night on the Town

Peter and I were able to go on a date this past Friday, thank you Jen and Bryce! We’ve had lots of offers to babysit our four children since our daughters entered the world, but then I feel this sense of guilt at leaving four children four and under with anyone and I can’t seem to make myself do it. It’s not that I don’t love and trust these brave souls, but I realize the all-encompassing work it requires to tend to the needs of these four children, particularly the twins. It’s especially difficult now that Nina and Jocelyn are going through a separation anxiety stage. I can’t even leave the room to refill my cup of Joe without one of them completely flipping out at the realization that I have disappeared from sight. I also know how draining the kids can be, because I get to look in the mirror every morning and think – oh my. When did those swollen eyes show up? I really do need a haircut. Is that another wrinkle around my eye?!

It’s truly chaos most of the time if you aren’t used to it. It’s my life, so it seems natural to me, but everyone else looks at me doing the grand juggle and I see the sheer panic in their eyes. Recently I had a play date with a fellow friend while Samuel was at school, which means I was at 75% motherhood responsibility for about 2.5 hours. This pal has two children that are nicely spaced out so one is in school full time and the other plays somewhat regularly with Ethan. She looked at me and said, “It is rather hard to focus and a hold conversation at your house.” Why I wonder? Ha! Every parent knows that adult conversations, if children are present, are littered with interruptions. The interruptions increase exponentially as the number of children increase. “Excuse me mom! Excuse me mom! EXCUSE ME MOM! My T-Rex just ate Buzz!” Such a terror requires the appropriate response. “OH MY GOD! Get Buzz out of T-Rex’s mouth!!”

Peter and I went on this date and we looked at each other and thought – wow. Do you hear that? Silence. We’ve had nights where someone took the boys and we went out together, but the girls stayed with us. Last summer, when I was pregnant with the girls we would leave the boys with my parents to make our regular trips to Sioux Falls. The reality of those nights alone boiled down to how could I look at anyone and feel wild and sexy and carefree when I was 23 + weeks pregnant with twins and just sat in a car for 6 hours across one of the least scenic places in the universe? For those of you who haven’t traveled I-90 across South Dakota, highlights include 1880 town, lots of road kill Chinese ring-necked pheasants, corn field after soy bean field after corn field, and crossing the Missouri River where being from land-locked states we must all say, “Dang – that’s a lot of water!"

Whew - back to our date night. In preparation for this date night, the girls were woken from their naps early and I had to do serious battle to get shoe and jacket commitment from Samuel and Ethan. I wondered the whole time I was getting ready if I could still pull off heals and thought, “Ugg. This is so painful for my feet, my heart and my ears, is it worth it?” The result of the short nap was that Nina and Jocelyn screamed the whole way to Jen and Bryce’s house and continued their ear pollution as I walked out their door mumbling, “Like a Band-Aid, like a Band-Aid” per Jen’s suggestion. Then 20 minutes later, I looked at Peter across the table and several miraculous things happened. The first is that I realized I do have two hands to eat with. At this point, I’m so excited I want to hold my glass of wine in one hand, my fork with the other, start to guzzle and stuff away. Next, I realize as I put savory bite after savory bite into my mouth that my food is warm. Fish and steak do taste much better at this temperature! I also notice that no one is screaming, “MOMMY!” and neither of us are negotiating a major treaty to convince our boys to eat…something.

All the parenting books, blogs, websites and so on say that one of the number one things to do as a parent is to take care of yourself and your marriage….you know…a happy mom is a good mom. But these sweet little books and websites usually seem to assume you are either on your first baby or that Mother Nature or God never involved themselves in your reproductive life and your children are spaced exactly at 2.5 years. These magical age separations often mean that your oldest is potentially close to important life skills like cutting their own food, grasping the concept of a napkin versus a shirt sleeve, buttoning their own pants, and agreeing that jelly beans are not one of the major food groups. These life skills add up to important things like easier babysitting, less worry for moms and dads, and communication skills for all parties involved.

All in all it was a fabulous dinner. We lingered over our beverages, savored our food, laughed at the foibles of our children, and missed them terribly. Then we played a few slots, won nothing, and returned home guilt free. What I learned though is that I’ll take all of you up on those offers and our munchkins will be coming to your house next. I figure if I can do it every day for 10 hours while Peter is out of the house, my brilliant friends could handle anything for 3 hours, even if the four of them scream the whole time!