Delivery Please?

Aside from looking like a side show at the carnival and initiating much interesting conversation (are you Catholic, are they twins, are they natural twins, my you have your hands full, are you one of those "God's army" people) I can now add "dangerous to my health" to the list of things to consider prior to heading out for any shopping expedition with four children in tow.  Yesterday morning I thought it a brilliant idea to haul everyone to Robb's in Belle Fourche to see if they had any sweet deals.  In route to Robb's, Nina and Jocelyn fell sound asleep.  Instead of making the smart choice and turning the car around, I loaded the girls up in the cart (another one not made for multiples), and proceeded into Robb's.  From the moment I set them down, the tears started and I had to put one down, then pick the other one up.  I did this juggling thing for two aisles amidst Samuel and Ethan begging to ride in the cart also.

By the time we were on aisle three we were making serious progress.  We had managed to wrangle four coats off of kids, convince Ethan that he did not need purple streamers for Samuel's birthday (but he could have them in May for HIS birthday), switch Nina and Jocelyn at least four times, and Samuel had climbed into the cart even though I had said, "No."  Progress is relative after all.  And here is how it happened.  I was holding Nina in my left arm, Jocelyn had finally settled down on the opposite side of the cart from me, and Samuel was standing and surfing.  I said, "Samuel!  If you are determined to ride in the cart, sit down!"  At the very moment he stepped to the opposite side of the cart and tried to squiggle down next to Jocelyn, Ethan started climbing up the same side of the cart.  I haven't met an empty shopping cart yet that can handle 90 pounds of children on one side.  As the cart started to fly sideways, I grabbed it with my free right hand, slammed my foot on the base of it and in slow motion prevented the cart from flying to its side.  In the process, every inch of cart wracked and scraped and slid down my right knee leaving it a bloody, bruised mess until the cart laid sweetly and quietly on its side.  Jocelyn crawled out, Samuel had done a flying chop kick karate move somewhere in the midst of it, and Ethan had been gently set on the floor.  In addition to my knee wound, I walked away with a scrape on my ankle, three more lost years of life, and gray hair clamouring to sprout.  But I saved all four children.  Not a child was scratched. 

Post injury?  It scared the kids enough to be model shoppers and we hit jackpot at Robb's.  This morning, the resulting swelling in my knee had gone down and the scratch now appears superficial considering the blood loss yesterday, but there is a mean looking bruise all across the top of my kneecap, about four inches in diameter and oh my does it hurt.

It is because of shopping experiences like these that I've fallen completely in love with Bountiful Baskets for 93.7% of our produce when our garden isn't up and running, Melaleuca for 87.6% of my toiletries and household items such as cleaning and laundry supplies, and the butcher and the biannual Hutterite wagon provide 85% of our protein.  I buy Mary Kay makeup so I don't have to stand in the aisle and choose shades, I do Red Box for drive through movie rentals, Schwan's visits us every two weeks, and Walgreen's is where our pharmacy is so we can have it called in and do pickup.  Most of our eating out as a family constitutes delivery from the Golden Dragon, Domino's, or another service known as "Mommy calls it in, daddy picks it up on the way home from work."  I've become an Internet shopping junkie for holidays and birthdays because it involves a stop at the computer with coffee cup in hand and is dropped at my door 3-5 business days later.  If I can avoid aisle time, I do.

Despite this knowledge and my steps to alleviate required store time, I'll still brave the retailers, because after all, every American child needs Goldfish and who can argue with paper towel and toilet paper?  I also suppose, despite the mishaps, there isn't a greater learning opportunity than that grocery store where colors abound, numbers overflow, social graces are required, and listening to mommy isn't optional but it's always worth a good challenge.  A challenge for child and mom.